19 February 2008

when life blindsides u

or "how u know u been fucked"

when kl and i met over 6 years ago, we knew we had a lot of obstacles to overcome. and not just the usual ones like who gets to sleep on what side of the bed or who gets to shower first in the morning. we had the added on fun of immigration laws to consider.

let me try to explain

a person who is not an american citizen who wants to settle in the usa for a longer or shorter period of time, needs a sponsor. the sponsor is basically a person or an entity who takes on the financial responsibility of the alien (yes alien, its such a dignifying and respectful term) in case the alien should not be able to take care of themselves. the gods know we dont want these ppl to become a burden to society (but as long as they clean our houses or empties our septic tanks they are ok i guess). since the lovely land of usa is a very scared and paranoid country (and i mean government wise, most ppl i have met are lovely, caring and very understanding, dont get me wrong), not just anyone can be a sponsor. the sponsor has to be a family member (and no, kids under 18 do not count as family members, dont ask me why), or an employer. oh and to be sponsored by an employer they have to prove that the alien can do something an american cant do (cause we dont want the alien to take jobs away from a true american citizen unless of course they want to clean our houses or empty our potties).

also, same sex partners do not count as family members. isnt it lovely? even if u live in a state that recognizes gay marriage, or civil unions or infact has gay marriage rights. cause u gotta know the immigration laws are federal and there is the pesky little "protection of marriage act" that sort of puts the cabash on having ur life partner with whom u have 2 children, a house, car, 2 dogs and a cat, sponsor u.

sooo...where does that leave a poor gay alien?

in the shit house, thats where.

when the job u have had for 3 years, from which u are now on maternity leave, decides it would rather not take the trouble of signing a handful of forms that ur (highly paid) lawyer has prepared, but rather drop off the face of the earth, not returning phone calls, not answering email and declining face-to-face meeting, ur left with nothing but two empty hands and a really messy situation.

that is when u know u have been fucked.

especially since above mentioned job/employer sat down with u 15 months ago swearing to help in the process of continuing sponsorship, a green card no less, which basically gives u the right to stay forever. based on said conversation and promises u go ahead and make a huge investment. taking all of ur savings (wasnt much anyway) and even put urself in debt just to find that less than a year later ull have to walk away from it, basically giving u the sense of having flushed ur financial future down the toilet.

now what?


its not like we have a lot of options. i will take the kids and move to norway. kl will have to stay here and work off some debt.



yes, indeedy

but other ppl do it. poor soldiers get sent off all the time, being separated from their families, going to a place where they dont know if they will return from. at least we have a safe place to go to as much as it will suck to be apart. and we can still visit. and talk on the phone. and see eachother on the webcam. and thanks to the slingbox i dont have to miss the end of the "lost" season. woohoo!


just cause we can tolerate the situation, just cause i dont have to miss "lost", doesnt make this right. it doesnt make it right for a 4 year old and a 5 month old to have to leave their other parent behind half a world away. doesnt make it right to split up a family just so some ppl can have the right to "not recognize" a relationship. my family is a family just like everybody elses and i dont really give a fuck if u "recognize" it or not. my kids should have the same right to be able to live with both of their parents. its an oxymoron to me that u can allow gay adoption but not secure the right for both parents to live in the same country. does that even make one ounce of sense? (and no, im not saying, take away gay adoption! thats not the answer, shithead).

is there anything i can do, u might ask (or u might just be tired of reading and wonder when the hell i will shut up).

yes, please help.


not so much for us, but for all the other bi-national gay couples out there. there is a law pending (and pending and pending). its called the "uniting american families act", u can read about it here.

please let ppl know about this law. email ur friends, ur family. put it up on ur blogs. encourage other ppl to put it in their blogs. start making phonecalls. call whoever u think will listen and whoever u think can make a difference (u can even try a politician or two). most ppl i have talked to about this situation do not know about the injustice that is being done to binational gay couples. yes, there is injustice for all gays in many different areas, but ... i guess this one is just close to my heart for some odd reason or another.

dont be afraid of using our family as an example. if u want more details (or u wanna buy me a green card (believe it or not, with the right amount of money u can do that!)) please do not hesitate to email me at alterrigo at gmail dot com.

and thank u for taking the time to read this loooong post (i do not blame u if u dropped out half way thru).

thats all i have to say about that.


Syd said...

It's all so very wrong. I just don't know what to say.

My thoughts are with you & your family.

SassyFemme said...

It just makes me sick that this has happened. Here you are trying to do this the right way, and getting fucked. Former friends in TX did it illegally, one of them marrying some guy just to get into the US and get her green card. She gets to fucking stay and you don't. It's just wrong. Dammit.

Bent Fabric said...

Wow! I'm speechless. Sadly, I've grown to expect this kind of bigotry and asshattery from our gov't, but I'm stunned your employer would just stab you in the back like that.

alter rigo said...

thank u to all that visited this post and especially to those who left a comment. it helps in a way i cant explain that we have friends and supporters out there. our biggest wish now is to shed some light on this situation, so anything u can do to help....

Val said...

I will most certainly link to your blog... and do what I can regarding the pending legislation.

Nony said...

I am so ashamed of my country for doing this to you, tg. You both have invested everything, couldn't have shown more willingness to jump through the ridiculous hoops and yet are still shit on from a great height.

I'm afraid I don't have much hope for that legislation you've linked to. I got all hot and bothered for the earlier bill, the Perm Partner's Immigration Resolution back in 2001, in order to get Lynne into the US with me. And look where I ended up.

It sounds awful, but get out while you can. The gov't of the US only wants to play partisan politics with our lives, not protect or 'god-forbid' promote the committment we make.

Would it be fair to pressure your employers to live up to the promises they made? Can we help?
~ kim